Ramesh and Suresh were two small-time crooks with the combined IQ of a boiled potato. After a series of failed scams (including trying to sell “invisible gold” to a jeweler), they decided to go big—they were going to rob a bank.
They spent weeks planning, watching heist movies, and even practicing their “intimidating robber voices” in front of the mirror. Finally, the big day arrived.
Dressed in black hoodies, sunglasses, and fake mustaches (because “disguises are important”), they stormed into the Punjab National Bank with toy guns they bought from a roadside vendor.
“EVERYBODY, HANDS UP!” Ramesh shouted.
People just stared. An old man in the corner didn’t even look up from his newspaper.
Suresh tried to add to the drama. “This is a ROBBERY! We are very dangerous criminals!”
The bank manager, unimpressed, raised an eyebrow. “Uh-huh. And what exactly do you want?”
Ramesh and Suresh looked at each other. They had forgotten to decide what to steal.
Thinking quickly, Ramesh blurted out, “Uh… give us 10 lakh rupees!”
The manager smirked. “Do you have an account with us?”
“WHAT? No! We are robbers, not customers!”
“Well, sir, for withdrawals over 2 lakh, you need prior approval. Also, there's a processing fee.”
Suresh, trying to salvage the situation, pointed his toy gun at the cashier. “JUST GIVE US THE MONEY FROM THE LOCKER!”
The cashier, a middle-aged lady named Sunita, sighed. “Okay, but do you have the key?”
“Why would we have the key? You have the key!”
Sunita nodded. “Actually, no. The manager does. But the manager doesn’t have the password. The regional manager does. And he’s on leave today.”
The two robbers stood there, completely baffled.
At this point, a security guard—who had been watching the whole scene while munching samosas—finally spoke.
“Beta, this is a cashless branch. We don’t keep money here.”
Silence.
Ramesh and Suresh stared at each other. Then at the empty bank. Then back at each other.
“…so should we just leave?” Suresh whispered.
Before they could move, the police arrived. Someone had pressed the silent alarm 10 minutes ago.
As they were handcuffed, the inspector couldn’t stop laughing. “Worst robbers I’ve ever seen. You didn’t even bring a bag to carry the money!”
And that’s how Ramesh and Suresh made it to the front page of the newspaper under the headline:
“Bank Robbers Forget to Steal Money, Ask for Withdrawal Instead”
Moral of the story: Before robbing a bank, maybe visit it first.
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